Diary of Shreehttp://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/Diary of Shreeen-usLaugh A LittleIf Bollywood Stars were emplyoed in call centre

*Amitabh**: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum
tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain...
*
*Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha..
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se
nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh
likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge
main laaonga.

------------ --------- ---------------------------------------------------
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg. .
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
*

* *

*----------- ------
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh. .. seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna...
haaaaaaaaa!! !

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi
hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa
*

*----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye. ...
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report
likha...
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==*

*Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main
tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Shakti: AAAuuuuuu... mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling
aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep
hooon..

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your
name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage
kaun karega....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya
chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

*

*Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise
I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager
mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...*

*And at last ............ ......

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....*

]]>Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:12:42 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/02/14/Laugh-A-Little.htmlCollectionAye Mere Bichde Watan

Charon Tarah Na Jaane Kyun Udaasi Chaai Hai,.
Kal Ki Tarah, Aaj Bhi Mujhe Apne Watan Ki Yaad Aaai Hai,.

Dhoondi Iski Mitti Ki Khushboo Pardes Mein, Na Kahin Paai Hai,.
Khushboo Mitti Ki Apni, Yahan Sone Me Bhi Na Nazar Aaai Hai,.

Kaisa Desh Hai Apna Bhi Jo Kisi Desh Mein Nazar Aata Nahi,.
Har Ek Ke Dil Mein "Jaanasheen" Apne Desh Ki Chahat Samaai Hai,.

==**==

Rukh Badalat hai zamane ka .. har zamane mein
..........Phir bhi milta hai naame-mohabbat har bahane mein !
Shaamil gar naa ho yeh duniye phir bhi hum jiyennge..
.........Dard woh pyara hai.. hota hai jo ishq chipane mein....

==**==

Gila kya kare?!

Naraz hai hum Rab se koi aur ab hume manaye kyun
Jab likhein hain Ansun to ab phir mushkuraye kyun

Dil jala hai ab jism rakh hojaye to fark ab kya hoga
Dil hi to tha iske liye ab shokh manaye kyun

Be.rang mohobbat thi jo zindagi ko berang kargayi
Naam kisika khoon e jigar pe sajayein kyun

Lakh chaha ke hum bhi andekha kardein unhe milte waqt
Par gar bewafai usne ki to nazrein hum churaye kyun

Ankh jukhayenge to salam karenge milayenge to sabab puchenge
Hum to ab bhi unpe marte hai Dushmani jataye kyun?

Marham lane bheja tha wo zeher laye humari rukhsat ko
Dil na mila na sahi..ab Mehboob k hathon k zeher ko thukraye kyun

Nadaan hain wo jo dawaa karte hai mohobbat ko bhul jane ka
Hum un fareebi-jhooton mein milkar yeh jhoot fehlaye kyun

Sajda kiya hai uska manga hai usse khuda se meine
Ab kismat mein yaar nai to is ishq pe pachtaye kyun???

==**==

Laugh A Little

Botal Chhupaa lo kafan mein
Kabar mein baiTh ke piyaa karenge,
Jab jab maange hisaab khudaa to
Peg banaa ke diyaa karenge.

==**==

Hum bhi aapke liye ek Tajmahal Banaenge
Hum bhi aapke liye ek Tajmahal Banaenge

Ek cup khud piyenge, aur ek cup aapko pilanenge,
Waahhhh Taj..!!
==**==

Tere duvar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
tere dvar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
ganti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge.
==**==

Jab jab ghire badal teri yaad ayi,
Jab jhoom ke barsa sawan teri yaad ayi,
Jab-jab mein bhiga teri yaad ayi,
Ab raha nahin jata, Chatri Lauta de Bhai.

==**==

Arz hai....

Zindgi ne dhaye hai bahut se sitam
Zindgi ne dhaye hai bahut se sitam
Uparwaale ki kasam, sher khatam..!!
Waah Waah!

]]>Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:42:36 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/02/07/Collection.htmlI MyselfI fall and I think Myself up.
I lose Hope yet I Dream.
I am Lost and I find Myself again.
I cry and I laugh thru My tears.
I despair yet I believe.
__Shree__

]]>Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:35:53 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/02/07/I-Myself.htmlShree Bhai S/W Eng.Hello....
Microsoft aarela hoon
Sun Micro System jalera hoon
Oracle aarela hoon mere baap.
Are kidhar kidhar
Are breach candy
Hold man hold
I am busy haan

S bole to bole to bole to bole to
S bole to Soft main Soft
W bole to bole to bole to bole to
W bole to bindaas Ware
E bole to bole to bole to bole to
E bole to be-misaal Engineer
S bole to bole to bole to bole to
S bole to
S bole to shana character

Main tede ko seedha chala doon
Seedhe to teda bana doon
Roothe ko jhat se hansa doon
Hanste ko phat se rula doon
hey...style, mera smile
style mera smile
na kar de dil tera crack crack crack
oh.....
whats ur name? (englist)
aiya, tujha nau kai re? (marathi)
My name?
Maiti nau kai?
Shree Bhai S/W Eng.
Shree Bhai aray S/W Eng

S bole to bole to bole to bole to

hey meri degree A1 dhansu badi
Yeh kya bola
Meri dulhan banegi soni kudi
Are waqt bola re
hey meri degree A1 dhansu badi
Meri dulhan banegi soni kudi
hmm...
Har taraf love ka mahol hoga
Dil ke dhadkan pe control hoga
dekh kar humko duniya jalegi
par apni life maze main chalegi

hey sapna yeh apna
sapna yeh apna
sapna na hoga yeh break break break
ara ra ra
tharo naam shoon chhe? (gujrati)
(some south indian lang)?
Shree Bhai S/W Eng.
Shree Bhai aray S/W Eng

S bole to bole to bole to bole to

Are yeh hata re sab sawan ki ghata
chal apna chala chal apna chala chal be

Din main das bees Templete no tension
are maska hai baap maska
bhool jaaunga bhook pyaas no tention
Are bola na fikar not, no tension bapu
Din main das bees Templete no tension
bhool jaaunga bhook pyaas no tention
Haa...

Hongi dollar main apni kamaiyaan
Rang layengi bug free Programming
Kudh bhi naachunga sabko nachaunga
Main Client ko disco karaunga
Naye raag main kisi baag main
Nache jhoome gayega hum
Kisi bar se nayi car se
Beer pee kar aayega hum
Hey.. kudiya phuljhadiyaan
Kudiya phuljhadiyaan
dil apna par kam too check check check
??????????????
dasso na tuhada naan to dasso?
Amar naam?
sadda naam?
Shree Bhai S/W Eng.


S bole to bole to bole to bole to
S bole to Soft main Soft
W bole to bole to bole to bole to
W bole to bindaas Ware
E bole to bole to bole to bole to
E bole to be-misaal Engineer
S bole to bole to bole to bole to
S bole to
S bole to shana character

Shree Bhai S/W Eng.
Shree Bhai aray S/W Eng
Keep Smiling....

]]>Tue, 29 Jan 2008 11:40:34 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/01/29/Shree-Bhai-S-W-Eng-.htmlMunna Bhai MCA Munna Bhai MCA


Appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum.
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai.
Template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai..
Copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush.!!!
Fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko? are kaiko ? arre kaiko re?
Fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.. ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ..
Computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa..!!!
Appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya.
Boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya.!!!
Din bhar appun computer ke aagge. koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi.
Tin din naa Ran se raada na Bul se pangaa bass choop chaap.
Appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya.
Bola kya be Munna saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya.!!!
Phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Rup bola.
Ye Mannu bhai kya coding bana rela hai baap.!!!
Rup ko pakdaa. bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai.
Saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa. abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai .
Aur aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai.!!!
Samzaa .? samzaa.? samzaaa naa.? (fir .? fir kya huwa..?)
Fir ek din apun ne coding poora kar diya.
Form poora karke apun ne testing ko bhej diya.!!!
Lagataa tha ab apun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya.!!!
Par DTS mein issues dekhake saala appun darr gaya.!!!
Apun ke saamne tester ne mere coding mein galtiyaa nikali.
Aapun ke coding ki poori waat laga di.. Apun udharich khadaa thaa.
Par apun kuch nahi bola. kaiko bolega? kaiko.?
Saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa. usme bhi itne bugs.
Par apun ek aansu nahi roya. kaiko royega.? kaiko..?
Saala apunich yedaa thaa naa.!!!
Agale din se phir wohi life chalu.
Wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template,
Wohi assignments. saala itnaa mails forward kiya.itnaa mails forward kiya.
Log samze mail server down hoyega. bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya karega.!!!


Training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai.
Haan thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai.
(phir .? phir kya huwa..?) fir .? fir kya.?
Fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila.!!!
Shaappak. saala apun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya .
Computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa.!!!
ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


"Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled... So keep sharing"
Keep Smiling....

]]>Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:48:51 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/01/21/Munna-Bhai-MCA.htmlChah KarMil Kar Bichadna Mera Naseeb Tha.
Chah Kar Bhi Kuch Na Kar Sake Hum.
Ghar Bhi Jalta Raha, Aur Samandar Bhi Kareeb Tha!]]>Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:33:28 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2007/12/18/Chah.htmlOne of the fantastic poem by Abdul Kalam COURAGE TO GIVE



" Courage to think different,
Courage to invent,
Courage to discover the impossible,
Courage to travel into an unexplored path,
Courage to share knowledge
Courage to remove pain
Courage to reach the un-reached
Courage to combat problems
And Succeed,
Are the unique qualities of Youth."
As the youth of my nation,
I will work and work with courage to achieve success


in all my missions.
By: APJ Kalam


]]>Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:00:08 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2007/12/10/One-of-the-fantastic-poem-by-Abdul.htmlHow To Manage The Time There is a Old saying "Time and Tide waits for None "
In today's world Managing Time is a big issue.
Here is some steps hope this will help you in Understanding and Analyzing The Time.

 1. Set aside times each day to review and priorities demand on your time.
2. Take a small chunk of a difficult task, and deal with it straight away.
3. Think through your day while making your way to work
4. Always delegate your tasks that are not time-effective for you to do.
5. Split your working day into chunks of 30 minutes each.
6. Review your time log to assess your work efficiency.
7. Allow for some thinking time in your schedule.
8. Estimate how long a task will take you, and see how accurate you were.
9. Update your time log as often as possible-memory is often unreliable.
10. Break down long term plans into weekly and daily action plan.
11. Draw a flow chart of your career, and plan where you want to go next.
12. Ask for a second opinion if you cannot priorities competing tasks.
13. Identify conflicts of priority between you and your boss.
14. Find out whether your colleagues priorities conflict with your own.
15. Classify all work engagements in your diary according to their importance.
16. If your schedule is full of A-tasks, then delegate or redefine them.
17. Alter priorities continually in line with changes or new information.
18. To keep discussions short, avoid open-ended questions.
19. Ensure that you have some quiet time every day.
20. Do not be afraid to leave the phone hook.
21. Time your physical and mental peaks so that you know how long they last.
22. Keep some energy for home life and leisure activities after work.
23. Suggest working flexible hours to improve company productivity.
24. Choose a diary that looks good and that you will enjoy using.
25. Always keep your pen in your diary for noting information and dates.
26. Use colored pens to denote tasks of varying importance.
27. Set realistic deadlines. A deadline is meant to be helpful, not a major cause of stress.
28. Delegate enjoyable tasks as well as unpleasant ones
29. Reward yourself when you meet your deadlines.
30. Plan your diary no more than one year ahead.
31. Make sure you do at least one thing every day that you enjoy.
32. Read a passage by your favorite author last thing at night.
33. Concentrate on your colleagues' and clients' positive attributes.
34. Use an organizer to list weaknesses, and then plan how to combat them, one by one.
35. Keep your desk clear of everything but the current job in hand.
36. Beware of self-sticking notes. They are easily lost.
37. Clear up daily. Never leave a mess for the morning.
38. Highlight key points on paperwork to speed up rereading.
39. Position a clock in your office so it is visible to you and to visitors.
40. Review your filing system at least every few months.
41. Set up a filing system that will grow with you and your business.
42. Go through your files regularly and discard documents that you no longer need.
43. File papers with no obvious home in a folder labeled " Miscellaneous".
44. File only essential documents that will be referred in future.
45. Ask your secretary or a colleague to screen incoming phone calls for you.
46. Pick up the phone to indicate the end of a meeting.
47. Do not sit down if you are followed into your office.
48. Place your chair out of view if your door is open.
49. Throw away any information that you think you do not need.
50. Keep all chance meetings short by standing- it will then be easier to get away.
51. Copy information only to those who need to know.
52. Stop subscriptions to magazines you no longer read.
53. Remove magazine and newspaper articles you wish to keep, and file them for reference.
54. Assess each piece of information for its relevance to current projects.
55. Keep only essential reading on your desk.
56. Think before you interrupt anyone. Their time is as valuable as yours.
57. Call a meeting only after considering other options.
58. Do not make assumptions about work colleagues.
59. Take a deep, relaxing breath before you make a phone call.
60. Avoid distractions when taking on the phone. Focus on what the caller is saying.
61. When making a phone call, have another project to hand to work on in case you are kept waiting.
62. Tell people when they can call you, and note the time in your diary.
63. Reroute your calls when you want to avoid interruptions.
64. Never delay dealing with any written material-it will just mount up.
65. Underline key phrases in reports you have to read.
66. Skim-read the headlines in your daily newspaper.
67. Keep essential reference material separate from your other documents and papers.
68. Clear unwanted documents from your computer once a month.
69. Consider carefully your computing requirements.
70. Keep your e-mail messages short, and address them accurately.
71. Encourage people to express views, even if they are contrary to yours.
72. Ask a colleague to interrupt "urgently" if a routine meeting lasts over an hour.
73. Keep meetings short by listening rather than talking.
74. Allocate a specific amount of time to each subject on an agenda.
75. Encourage people to attend only the parts of a meeting that concern them.
76. Remind everyone what was agreed at a meeting in a follow-up memo.
77. Before traveling, assess whether the trip is necessary and cost-effective.
78. If possible, fit everything you need to take into one small piece of hand luggage.
79. Take work to do in an airport lounge in case of delays.
80. Set your watch to the local time at your destinations.
81. Check how much your hotel charges for phone calls before making any.
82. Find out whether you need adapters for your electrical equipment abroad.
83. Take two or three short holidays instead of one long one.
84. Schedule regular time off to pursue your hobbies and leisure interests.
85. Aim to experience something new everyday.
86. Maintain high expectations, and people will live up to them.
87. Persuade others of your case using facts, not emotions.
88. Take an interest in what others are trying to achieve.
89. Hearing is not the same as listening. Learn to listen.
90. Make sure you define objectives clearly when you delegate a task.
91. Reserve some time for the task that you only can do.
92. Keep a checklist to help you monitor the progress of tasks that You have delegated to others.
93. Reward good work generously, and chastise in moderation.
94. Set precise and realistic deadlines for tasks that you delegate.
95. Try not to allow colleagues to distract you with unimportant issues.
96. Hold meetings in colleagues' offices, so you can leave when you need to.
97. Set aside special times when your office is open to all.
98. Visit colleagues only when you have more than one issue to discuss.
99. Be aware of your boss's working patterns, and try to adapt to them.
100. Ask about your boss's home life-it will help to build up a relationship.
101. Remember that time is perfectly democratic. Nobody has more or less of it than you.
Coll -- Shree
]]>Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:46:20 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2007/12/10/How-To-Manage-The.htmlPencil MagicVisit pencilmation.com to see some magic of Pencil

]]>Sat, 08 Dec 2007 13:38:43 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2007/12/08/Pencil.htmlHi To EveryOneHello Buddies,

Finally I step down here. In couple of days I will start bloging.

Hope you will enjoy the content this blog. I will gratitude for your remarks and advices. Feel free to Sign The Guest Book!

Thanks A Lot!!!!
Regards,

Shree

]]>Thu, 06 Dec 2007 19:43:35 +0530http://ShreeJha.rediffiland.com/blogs/2007/12/06/Hi-To-.html